Munqui Lore - The Next Generation

Munqui Lore - The Next Generation

Chapter 1 - Naxx to the Future

Continuing the traditions of the Tribe, the Munquis decided it was time to put Arthas back in his place. It was fine when he was some random bogey-man that parents told their kids stories about. And whose very name could inspire dread in every non-Munqui in the room. But it just wasn’t on when the bugger started whispering people personally, and turning up in cutscenes.
The guy had obviously developed a “Wizard of Oz” complex. He was all smoke and mirrors, and they must have been fun-house mirrors, because he was never the same size in any of them.
So the Munquis decided to gear-up and get on with it. Arthas was going down, and Frostmourne would be making a great conversation piece, hanging above the fireplace in the guildhall.

To start with, Vedd was put in charge of finding him. There were a few murmurs of “Oh Shit” when Lewt made this decision, but the Munquis were nothing if not loyal. So until Brast returned from babysitting, Lewt was in charge, and his word was law.
(The Munquis were not totally stupid though, and were known to bend laws so much that a even a very big bendy thing, perhaps a willow tree, would normally snap).

After endless moments of searching Vedd found the perfect hiding place for Arthas. Naxxramas. Somehow it had moved from its usual location, and had appeared in Northrend, hovering above a field of undead.
This seemed a little too convenient for some of the Munquis, but action was action, so they dusted the demon guts off their equipment, and set out slaughtering armies of the undead instead.

After just a couple of weeks, they’d reached Wintergarde Keep, and had Naxxramas in their sights. There was just one problem. It was floating 100 feet up in the air.

“Bugger” Said Vedd.
“$£*%!!!” Said Funk.

The Munquis sat in the local inn to ponder the problem, and of-course sample the local ales. This, obviously, then led to more pondering, such as “Why do you need to pee so much” and “Why is there always carrots in it” followed by the desperate desire for thinly sliced generic meat wrapped in stale bread and smothered in a very hot sauce.
Later still, followed by the desire for unprotected sex. And even later still followed by the horrible feeling that the person lying next to them the next morning might either come knocking on their door in about 9 months time or possibly develop a sudden itching sensation in a particularly uncomfortable area for the next few weeks.

After several days of this, the application of numerous jars of ointments, and no less than two shotgun weddings, the Munquis had decided what to do.

“Right,” said Lewt “What we need is plan!”
Bronze, after face-palming himself so hard that he almost fell over, replied “Yeah, we figured that.. How about we fly up there?”
“Excellent idea! Jolly Good Show!” replied Lewt “Promote that man!”
Why Lewt had suddenly turned into a world war 2 army captain, including the big curly moustache and the baton under his arm, no one knew. But they didn’t plan on asking either, the last person to mention it was Shirt, and he was still cleaning those toilets with a toothbrush a week later.

After realising that their flying mounts didn’t work in Northrend, because of something to do with the cold weather, the team set-off to raise enough money to pay for the training.
Along the way, they stumbled across an argument between some dragons around a ‘Wrath’ Gate, A few of the officers tried to point out that the little guy in the full suit of armour was Arthas, and that they should have given him a kicking before he ran back into the giant, evil, impregnable, citadel. But Lewt wouldn’t hear of it.
Several more weeks later, the group had finally acquired enough money to pay for the new training their mounts, supposedly, needed. And were finally ready to enter Naxx.

As a group, they flew on up to the entrance portal, and were confronted by a horrific sight. The place was packed. Obviously other guilds were trying to get a head-strart on Arthas’ ass-kicking and had used devious and under-handed ways to earn their money more quickly. (As opposed to the Munquis way of just killing everything that moved and slaughtering ancient civilisations).

After wading through the mass leather-clad and sweaty bodies, the team dived straight through the first portal they saw. Except for Knicks and Tins, who decided that they needed to do at least 3 more laps of the entrance-hall before finally joining the others.
When they finally did appear, they looked more than a little sweaty themselves, although seemed quite pleased about it. And Tins was briefly seen slipping a phone number into a more secure place.

“Vedd, you’re up!” Commanded Lewt. “Lets get on with this. The general wants an update STAT. And the HQ wants to clear this SNAFU up PDQ, and get us back to base before the locals even know we’ve been here!”
For some reason, Lewt had now shaved off his moustache, along with all the hair on his head, covered his face in grease paint, and was wearing what looked like a necklace made from ears around his neck.
“Hey! Its-a-me Veddy!” Chirpped Vedd.
“Ohhhhhh” groaned the Munquis in unison.
“Vedd, drop the Mario act and get on with it please” begged Vind, with the backing of the entire group.
“OK OK!” Said Vedd. “Enough of the jib-jab you lot, let’s move out. I’m sure Arthas is just around this corner.”
After several minutes of walking around the corner, Vedd finally had to concede that they were going in circles when Biafra started dropping bread-crumbs, and they came across them at least 3 times. It became even more obvious when Funk sat down and started to eat the breadcrumbs, and began waving at the others each time they passed.

“Shall we just turn down one of these side passages?” Suggested Grenth. “It looks to me like they might lead somewhere”.
“Errrrrr, Yeah, sure, I was just about to suggest that anyway.” Said Vedd.

The group turned down the first passage they came to. The giant spider effigy above the arch should have given them a clue what to expect , but I think they were all just so glad for the change of scenery that none of them noticed it.
After disposing of the trashy little spiders that got in their way, the Munquis faced their next big dilemma. More choices. Left… or............ (pause for dramatic effect)......... Right.

“Hold on Lads!” announced Smyth “I’ve got an idea”.

Somewhere, very far from Naxx, someone else spoke those very same words, and a coach full of gold slipped over the edge of a mountain, taking all the passengers with it, and killing them in a horrible and painful way. But the Munquis didn’t know about that, so they just waited to see what Smyth had to say.